Reply To: Non Duality
Thanks for the email. I did appreciate your reply and there was definitely some helpful stuff in there…
Recently I went on a retreat and I had some mind blowing, life changing experiences while meditating. The first time I remember my thoughts and leg pain sunk into the distance. I was aware that they were still there but they were far away and I felt like all that was left was the breath. My whole body had waves of tingles. It felt amazing and I felt like i could have sat there for hours. The second time I had the feeling of floating up and every cell in my body vibrating. I could also here some kind of chanting. I wasn’t aware of any thought that time. I felt so alive and peaceful like I have never felt in my life. It was like no drug on this planet.
After the retreat I felt really happy and alive for a couple of days but slowly day by day I feel like I am closing down and becoming less aware of my internal world again. Its really really difficult because I had a glimpse into a peaceful reality I have never known and now my every day life is so drab in comparison. I have continued my meditation for a couple of hours a day since getting back home but it doesn’t seem to be enough to keep up the momentum of what I felt on retreat.
I know that meditation is not all about feeling blissful all the time and its more about being aware of what is present at any particular time but I have such strong aversion to the down swings and cravings to feel good. I try to tell myself that the difficult mind states and emotions will pass etc but they have a big effect on my energy levels. If i wake up feeling very flat, low energy etc I just dont even want to do anything. Im not sure how to live a productive life with such heavy overwhelming feelings. I can’t seem to function properly.